Homesick, The Struggle is Real.

My first day back in the Philippines April 17,2016

My first day back in the Philippines April 17,2016

Hi, when I first discovered this site i told myself i’ll share my story starting from the day that I moved from my home country, Philippines to my husband’s country, California, USA. I planned to tell the story following a time line starting from 2013. But Ive read an article about anxiety and depression and it made me want to share my own experience. It happened. Its real. And i never thought it will happen to me. So i decided to skip, and share a story that recently happened just last May2016.

I just spent a 5weeks vacation in the Philippines, spending quality time with my family, But the day came that I have to fly back to the US. My last night there was different. I was crying silently, i didnt want my family to see me cry because it was kind of corny, and we will just end up crying together. When they drove me to the airport the next day, we were ok, we were fine, acting normally annoyed with the traffic and the busted aircon of the rental van. When i was left alone waiting for boarding time, that when the realization started to kick in. Its was so different from the first time I left almost 3yrs ago. I was crying again, silently, to not disturb the other passengers waiting beside me.

I remember asking myself “why do I live so far”

My husband picked me up from SFO, I was doing fine again, happy to see him, I thought everything will be back to normal, and boy i was wrong! The next morning i was crying hard! I couldn’t stop it. My husband couldn’t stop me from crying. I dont know what the hell is going on. It went on for atleast two weeks, but i didnt let my husband see me break down like the first day back, i didnt want him to worry too much, plus i dont want him to think that im being too dramatic. Heck! I thought homesick is just a word with very slight meaning.

As a stay home wife, I’m alone most of the day, my tears was like they have minds of their own, i seriously thought i was crazy, i was asking myself what’s going on. I cant stay put in one room, i was talking loudly to myself. I remember asking myself ‘am I doing this on purpose?’ And yelling to the mirror “stop it now!” It was funny actually, because when the husband is around Im totally fine, well, not totally, adjusting again and obviously sad. But whenever im alone again thats when the episode of my dramatic scenes comes to the picture.

I dont know how I overcome it, it just stopped one day, maybe it helped that i started doing what i got used to do before my PhVacay, cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry and ironing! I kept myself busy, And it helped that i stop talking to my family for a while, it prevents the feeling of missing them and wanting to go back there. I miss them, i miss the food, But here is my home now.

Sorry for the long posts
-Jini

 

Image source: my OWN. I uploaded my own photos.




  • Comments

    1. Profile photo of Barbara Radisavljevic
      Barbara Radisavljevic

      I have only really experienced being homesick once — when I was a child. My parents took a trip for my dad’s work, and I had to stay in a boarding school for two weeks. My aunt got me on Saturdays, but I was so lonely. The other boarding students knew each other well, since they had been together a long time. I was only seven, and I’d never lived away from home before.

      I can imagine how hard it was for you to move to California, where I’ve lived for my entire life. Going to a different country is much harder than just moving to a new part of the state. Most of my life I lived within two hours of my parents.

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