While I was computing earlier for the needed earnings I should be doing every day, I cried. It has been a long time since I feel down. Not that I missed it, but this time, I can feel the struggle again. Imagine me needing $49 every 4 days for my maintaining medicine and I need to have it for 2 months. It costs $368 every month and within 2 months I need to prepare $736, my estimation. I checking on my online activity and I can hardly earn $10 at Humanatic. Some of my sites are a bonus. My miscellaneous sites give me $10 all in all. I am earning less than $200 or maybe less than $150 a month. If you compare to my $150 earnings to the needed amount for my medicine, it will really give you goosebumps. I survived last month because I used all the donations I received for hospital bills with ate all the donations actually and then the remaining is for the medicine and transportation allowance just in case I need to be rush again. I only have $7 in my pocket, that is why it really makes me down.
I had friends who promised me loan me some money for this month but then they changed their mind for some finances they need to take attention and I don’t have a thick face to force my reasoning that I need their money more than they need it. I just said okay and hoping there will be next month. That is the reason I made a computation. I need to earn $20 a day just in case my friends will fail to loan me money. I told myself that I should not depend on their promises as they have needs too, their decision might change all the time. I should be working on my own for my medicine.
The struggle is real because I hardly make up to $10 in Humanatic, a day. I even can’t make up to $5. Humanatic is the site that I only depend on because it is paying me weekly. I need to give up some sites that are eating my time and is very low paying. This is only for these two months because I really need to earn more, which I think impossible. Because of struggling for that amount, I missed two packs of medicine last week and I hope I will still be okay. I can buy one pack this week because I earn some money, but for next week, I don’t know anymore.
I need to leave this site too for weekdays because I need to focus on Humanatic. I will be here hopefully during the weekends. Many of my friends are saying, you should rest, it is not good to you to be working online. I just laugh it off. I love the concern but I rather work and earn because I have no choice. I cannot depend my life on someone’s promises. I need to stand up and work as I can still work anyway. There are bleedings that are happening again, I shrugged it off, I don’t care. It will stop anyway. If I get severe, I don’t care too, I really don’t care now. My thing is, I should stop worrying and try to do things that will move me forward. It might stress me at times, but I will work on it. Working till my last breath.
Okay so you will ask, do you have a family? Yes, of course, and they can’t give something because we are really struggling. Actually, if I received my earnings, I even divide it into two. One for me and for my family. Is there an institution to help you with my medicine? Yes, there is, but I already used the money for hospital bills. Now I am left with earnings online unless someone will give me another institution locally that could help me. I am looking for free medicine, hoping my medicine is free on some institution but my doctor said that it is not approved for now as it is for testing.
Pray for me. I feel down, but I will be smiling again. I will have high hopes again and my faith will get stronger again. Please pray for me to survive the financial needs. There is something whispering in my ears “Ready to die anytime?” I don’t understand why it is happening but if it will happen, I will die with a smile from all the concern, the prayers, and donations you had given me.
Image credit to https://pixabay.com/en/metaphor-falling-down-failure-dry-1209691/