I am a person who tends to be helpful and generous. When I help or extend anything, I never expect something in return. This Biblical phrases – “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” keeps reverberating in my conscious mind, but my conscience won’t let me sleep soundly for the thing I give.
I remember when I was a grader I happened to see a poor person who only lives by cutting hair. His clothes are worn out and he is too skinny. My mother was surprised to learn why I was worrying that something unusual happened to me while I was in school. I hugged my mother while crying and mumbling words that I really pitied that person.
I told her everything and she comforted me not to worry about that kind of person should be taken care by the government or by their own family and they won’t be allowed to wander in the street begging for money or for something to eat. “Someday when you will be successful, don’t forget to help those poor and the needy,” inspired my mother.
Why I Am Guilty
One day at about noon, I was standing at the side of the intersection of the city streets, waiting for a service motorized tricycle to bring me to my workplace. At a distance, I saw a middle-aged old woman as to my estimate of her age. She was begging for every person she met on the street and I was one of them. The money that I had in my pocket was enough for my back-and-forth fare in going to my school. I gave it all to her and went home. I told my wife that I was absent at that day.
Before I went home, I spotted the woman to a wine store. She came with several bottles of wine. I was astounded and remorse of seeing her. I asked myself, “Have I done wrong today?” I headed home with a guilt feeling of giving a money to the woman if not I would have controlled her driving vice. I prayed to the Lord that I would be forgiven for helping other people who aren’t helping themselves.
I couldn’t sleep. My conscience is bothering. I have repented why I helped the beggar woman. My intention of extending the money is good. I want in my simple way be helping someone in need. But I was mistaken that the beggar I have helped, wasn’t helping herself at all. In return, I dragged her to her downfall.
Should I not give the money to the woman so that I would be relieved myself of a bothered conscience? Where do I stand? Am I guilty?
image credit: Pixabay – Free images