Depression is one of the most misunderstood mental disorders. Having said that, a mental disorder in any event is misunderstand. People can understand if you say you have cancer or heart disease, these types of physical ailments usually show some kind of tangible signs; but when we get to mental illness it is pretty much incomprehensible to most people.
Having said that, some mental disorders can be recognised for the most part. Schizophrenia is often recognised by the general population because of the weird behavior and thought patterns of the individuals who suffer from it. People understand that something is just not right if a person goes around thinking he is Napoleon, or hears voices when nobody else can. Depression, on the other hand, is different.
Even though depression is not sadness many people mistake the two. Just about everyone has experienced sadness in their lives, and most people pull out of it. Hence, they equate their personal experience and triumphs onto other people whom they feel are “wallowing in self-pity” and need to “get over it.”
In reality, it is not easy to just “get over “clinical depression.” A person experiencing clinical depression goes through a period when life just does not seem worth the living. This person sees no true happiness or value in life and has given up trying to find it.
I must say here that there are different levels of depression from mild, moderate, to severe, so that not every person who is clinically depressed will feel exactly the same way. However, what is common is a lack of enjoyment in life.
People with depression lose their interest in things that they used to be passionate about; in my case it was writing, writing was like the extension of my arm, it was part of me. Lately, I just do not seem to be able to get myself to do any serious writing.
People with depression often feel helpless and hopeless and I do not feel that I am of value to myself or the people I care about. I don’t feel loved anymore. I feel I am a burden to society. I feel I am useless. I feel no man will ever love me and I am destined to be alone the rest of my life. The man I loved betrayed me over and over again. I have no faith in men right now. I date, I try not to lose hope but in reality I have.
The other drawback is the cancer, see other article I wrote for details. I can’t believe that anyone would even want to start a relationship with me knowing I have cancer. People have told me otherwise; but I can’t believe it. I feel so alone, I have no man to stick with me through thick and thin, even my family is supportive only up to a point. I feel I am truly alone in this world.
The third major thing is my finances. I can’t do it on my own, I try so hard; but, there is never enough money. Fortunately, in this area I do have help from some very good friends. I literally would be out on the street had it not been for their help.
I have been trying to get on anti-depressants since I was diagnosed with cancer; but, my family doctor is hesitant about it. Finally, I went to the diabetes doctor on Friday and she did not hesitate at all, not like the other doctor; she is starting me on Wellbutrin today, but it will take 2 to 4 weeks before the medication kicks in. She says I couldn’t go on like that feeling the way do without some help.
I am seriously trying to think positive which is very difficult for someone with depression to do. I am hoping I can pull through this and get better. I don’t want to feel helpless and useless. I don’t want to continue to feel that nobody really loves me and that I am alone in this world. I want to get better I really do!